CASE NUMBER #0022
Sometimes in the DOA graveyard one comes across a bizarre associated genre to the horror, and that is fantasy, this trinket contains no value in either cinematic visionary conceptual design or in the effort to actually waste time viewing the hot mess still thoroughly wretched as from the first day it grace the earth. Hence, Case Number 22, before one can begin the autopsy of hell, one needs to understand who bares the responsibility of this abomination, none other than director Lewis Schoenbrun. Yes, the same person who did Aliens vs. Avatars (2011) and Queen Cobra (2007), along with the screenwriter of such abysmal creations such as Vampire Boys 2: The New Brood (2013) and Curse of Pirate Death (2006) Jeremiah Campbell who initially invented the story along with writer Keith Schaffner (Axegrinder (2006)). As a writer and reviewer, I often find myself, like many others as to the creative influences, which inspire the directors and screenwriters to create their genre films, however researching that for this movie, leads to shocks that might truly shake the DOA readers. Lewis, a fan of notable director Stanley Kubrick, made homage to his films 2001: A Space Odyssey and Dr. Strangelove, while trying to align itself to Who framed Roger Rabbit, people in a comic book live action, sorry it misses the mark by a 1000-miles and frankly insults the memory of Stanley.
Obviously a poor parody of The Hulk, with the title The Amazing Bulk, and instead of a green humanoid misunderstood by everyone, we watch a purple monstrosity with varying sizes per each scene and all done in front of multiple green screens. Upon previously viewing the CGI work in Birdemic and Birdemic 2 and believing it contained the worst ever, I must stand corrected, this truly contains the most bizarre work ever, and not in a good sense. Fantasy films often pull in other genres and create a strange world, but intrigues the viewers not leaving them wondering did I leave the stove or now is time to clean the basement both better choice than this lousy movie. Micro budgets are the backbone of the genres of fantasy and horror; however they must contain some vital set pieces and a plot however none of it exists here for anyone to care about it, but then to have the opening and ending credits in the Comic Sans font from WORD.
AUTOPSY OF THE FILM
Before trying to describe the plot, thereby the autopsy please note this reviewer was very sober, though some insanity did help while viewing it, it starts with a so-called hooker walking through fog and later killed, and the killer then killed. It stars Jordan Lawson as Henry (who gets his name as the last credit of the cast, past Door Guard #2, even though he’s a main part of the cast. Anyway, he’s a scientist with youthful looks and seeking a cure for world hunger, by seeking the formula to make things grow in impossible places. Of course, he has a loving girlfriend (Shevaun Kastl) and a future father-in-law General Darwin (Terence Lording), who suffers from the fear of dust, who despises him. He funds his project though the connection exceeds the military needs (SPOILER – telling you so you don’t need to see it) and actually for something very big with the missile desiring Dr. Werner Von Kantlove (Randal Malone, who starred in Dahmer vs. Gacy (2010)). However, before him we meet is his girlfriend Lolita Kantlove (Juliette Angeli) who sits in a completely silly CGI room with the strangest actions and emotions, her medieval guards truly try not to laugh as her dog looks the fakest ever created. Laughing either at her, the situation, or why they every signed up for this lousy movie, none of it matters, because Lolita craves sexual desires, but the doctor suffers from ED. Hence his name (get it – oh the jokes, so funny, and his obsession with rockets), phallic symbols, the viewers get to watch G.I. Joe who misses striking the world landmarks, from every possible direction, with silly CGI explosions. Dr. Kantlove later attempts to destroy the moon, but then appears a monkey on the rocket or maybe someone rides who it into the ground, honestly impossible to figure out what’s going on, or even care. The bulk drug becomes Werner intended goal to cure his ED, insert your own joke, it won’t be worst than this film.
Henry’s (by the way not called a doctor) lab experiment goes crazy as he injects himself with the drug and becomes the purple bulk whose size fluctuates a lot. He squashes humans, a police officer, and crunches a news helicopter amusingly stupid, then (groan) watching people walking or running in place to a moving background. However, awfulness will top itself, as two individual clearly seated have an animated a car over their bodies, seriously. Later we have this creature in 80s video game castle, when Lolita massages her hands on the Bulk’s manhood (hidden to viewers)! Detective Ray Garton (Jed Rowen, some might know from such classic as Dahmer vs. Gacy or Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (2017)) hot on Henry’s trail wanting payback and he gets it and then some, just say it involves a pissing contest.
CAUSES OF DEATH
One wonders why this 75-minute movie saw the light of day, on a budget of $14,000 and from the production studio, Tomcat Films, used an enormous amount of stock 3D animation likely from the 80s and 90s, Second Life gives more detail, but that costs more money. This included in no order leprechauns, Zelda looking archers, kangaroos, animals on swings and flying, geckos typing on computer in the middle of the desert, greenest golf courses, and triple winged planes. Then tack on the borrowed classical soundtracks of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home,” “The 1812 Overture,” and “The William Tell Overture” all used at the oddest times. The clip art comes from the luxury of perhaps drunken binge surfing on the net, and the randomization of the place, none of it making any sense to anyone. In fact, Lewis itemized the budget into 4-groups (SEE AT END REVIEW), and it came after at least 4-months to script the movie, so this all was intentional. The terrible dialogue, acting and direction, continues on and on in tiresome loop of a suffering mess, would rather see Toxie do a version of Saturday Night Fever.
SUMMARY FROM INVESTIGATOR:
No rational sane or otherwise, individual needs to ever watch this horrendous movie, it was at one point out of point, however a distribution firm, brought it back resurrecting it, guess who… Wild Eye Releasing repackaged it and unleashed it on May 19, 2015. Nothing exists here for anyone’s time, not for anyone’s money, it’s not interesting, fun, or enjoyable, a suffering to endure a fast food sludge of grease. It thoroughly misses every mark and insults Kubrick. AVOID!!!
IMDb Rating: 1.7/10
DOA Rating 1.2/10
$6,000 – Filming 5 days
$3000 – Audio mixing
$1000 – color correction
$4000 – CGI, software and film’s composer