In the year 2018 in the age of technology and little real human interaction I started to wonder if there was a dating site for Horror Fans and to my surprise there is! We are all familiar with sites like Match, Plenty Of Fish, Ok Cupid, Tinder and Bumble but dating sites have now branched out into categories such as Christian Mingle and Farmdating…but how far do these “extra “ categories go?
Are there dating sites for Vampires, Zombies , Werewolves?
Is there someone out there that identifies with me?
In the words of Maria Brink “ but I’m not like those other types baby I’m your bloody creature poster girl “.
Let’s take a look into the real life horror story of dating apps what could possibly go wrong?
Dating itself is challenging and scary. Have you ever been stuck on a first date with someone and you are frantically looking for a bathroom to crawl out the window and escape ( true story I climbed out Graziano Restaurant window)The problem is you meet someone’s representative then usually 6 months in they rip off their mask Scooby-Doo ending style and reveal what is lying underneath.
We all wish for the rom-con fairy tale 80’s movie love but how do we find our John Cusack holding a boom box over his head outside of our bedroom window in 2018? As a horror fan maybe a horror dating site would match up two people with a mutual fondness for Texas Chainsaw Massacre without actually chopping you up chainsaw style.
I went to a film festival a couple months ago and there was a weird theme. Several films referenced dating apps and the connection to being chopped up, chained in a basement or eaten by a monster in a closet all do to swiping right on the wrong person. At work one day I watching a couple that looked like they just stepped out of a Banana Republic ad try and pick up a guy sitting by himself who happened to be a regular . When they left he told me the woman kept asking him the measurements of his clothes. My mind flashed to Buffalo Bill measuring his victims skin.
The Scream movies have also taught us that love is unpredictable. Neve Campbell learns the hard way that her handsome boyfriend who she is in love with is really a psycho on a slashing spree. In Get Out the girl takes her boyfriend home to meet her parents and it is anything but normal. Guys you don’t want to wind up in that situation either.
It’s not just physical horror situation you could wind up in there’s also the psychological calculated psycho just like the character that Mark Wahlberg plays in Fear . He seems to be the perfect boyfriend but in reality he was a calculated psychopath. However dating isn’t all doom and gloom . Let’s swipe right and get a match.
In the horror community there are several iconic couples, Rob and Sheri Moon Zombie, Gomez and Morticia Addams, Bram Stoker’s Dracula with Dracula and Wynona Riders character Mina, Micky and Mallory in Natural Born Killers, Herman and Lily Munster, Edward and Kim from Edward Scissor Hands , Tim Burton and Helena Bingham Carter, Chucky and Tiffany etc …
Your profile is suppose to help match us human beings . I mean who doesn’t trust a computer to pick their life mate . Surely technology is always right.
Is the key to happiness finding someone who loves to run around in a Jason mask as much as you do? Someone who buys advanced tickets to the Halloween movie? Someone who invites you to see their collection of vintage Horror from the 40’s? Someone who’s idea of a perfect night involves looking at the full moon.
Everyone has seen the slogans “Pizza, Sex and Horror Movies” sounds like a simple enough plan . When the screen flashes “IT’S A MATCH “ the dating experts say a Horror movie is a great first date choice but why?
Here are some theories.
The terror in the film will bond you . Two strangers anxiously watching the screen as a killer lurks after the main character . You instantly bond routing for the victim to get away.
If it’s a Horror movie with comedy in it you will quickly get to know your dates sense of humor . Is it light-hearted or more sinister . If your date laughs at Shawn Of The Dead that’s light-hearted . If your date laughs manically as the victim in SAW is cutting off their own hand you might think twice about a second date.
You want your date to have family values so watch Psycho and If he identifies with Norman Bates and his mother that’s a NO. You want his mom to like you but if he uses words like “ mother wouldn’t like that “ RUN!
Horror movies are great conversation starters . They can break the ice . There will be a ton to talk about . Did you route for The Devils Rejects to get away or die the cops to get them? Did you find the blood and gore cool or disgusting. Most importantly Horror movies aren’t solving the worlds problems. You can take a break from the heavy pressures of the time we live in and just escape for an hour or two. When the movie is over you most likely won’t want to be alone or in the dark so it gives you more time with your date after the movie to do something light-hearted. I always like to watch a comedy after a Horror film.
Horror movies can also help show you how your date would problem solve . Is your date the hero ? Would they face the killer or monster head on or would your date run for the hills when the zombie apocalypse happens. You can learn a lot about a persons character after a zombie movie or an episode of The Walking Dead. Is your date Rick Grimes or Negan. Most women are hoping for Daryl but that’s another story.
Horror movies have a lot of “sacrifice “ moments. People sacrificing themselves to the killer to spare a few minutes for everyone else to run .
In mainstream movies you would judge your date by the The Titanic ending with Jack sacrificing himself for Rose . Horror fans relate to Josh Hartnett injecting himself with contaminated blood to become a vampire and save everyone and his love by sacrificing himself . The end scene with him sitting with his girlfriend watching one last sunrise before he dies is romance for horror fans.
I believe in the old school way of meeting people in real life . I like to torture I mean interact with people in everyday real life in the flesh .
However dating apps are the norm in 2018 so take that chance and swipe right you may end up like Spike and Drucila from Buffy The Vampire Slayer roaming the earth for centuries terrorizing the human race side by side with your love in awesome clothes and a vintage black Cadillac just be cautious my pretties you don’t want to wind up in a well being told “ it puts the lotion on or it gets the hose again “
Until next time
Hugs and Hisses
As I finished this article I learned of the passing of Stan Lee. Stan was married to his wife Joan for 70 years. You will be greatly missed . Thank you for all of your brilliant work and making this cold dead heart of mine believe in love. Rest easy.