Tonight, I’m doing the Lord’s work. I’m watching RotLD: Aftermath. You owe me.
Over forty years after the terrifying events in Louisville, the nightmare is far from over. The deadly chemical Trioxin has unleashed a horror that refuses to die, and the truth behind the original outbreak is more terrifying than anyone imagined. “Return of the Living Dead: Aftermath” continues the legendary horror mythology with a new chapter of zombies, government secrets, terrifying discoveries and the return of the living dead.
My favorite video game system begins and ends with the original Nintendo. But in no particular order, the XBox 360, The Sega Genesis, The Gameboy, and the PlayStation 2 round out the top 5. Why am I bringing this up? I remember really getting into the cut scenes of video games during the Sega Genesis days. I loved horror games, and the animation was so cool to see. It looked like a movie! But those graphics looked like shit compared to the PS2. Those graphics were beautiful! Well, until PS4 looked so cinematic and realistic. My point is, AI still has a long way to go. Because this film, 95% AI, is horrid. When we look back in 10 years, this film will be the Genesis cut scene.
Just for the record, I don’t think AI is as bad as other people. I’ve seen people crucifying others who use AI to create a poster, for crying out loud. But here soon, I’m looking forward to seeing John Wayne in a new movie. Or Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger together as dueling Jokers in a multiverse Batman film. But once, again, this is not to that level yet. But there are glimpses.
I’m a Return of the Living Dead junkie. I love everything about the original. So when I say I got chills when I saw Chuck and Spider alive, I’m telling the truth. They looked absolutely perfect. It gave me hope. But damn if they didn’t fuck it up by having the words not match their moving mouth. And we have Beverly Randolph (Tina) “star” in the movie as another character completely, although she arguably could have survived the first one. If you follow her online, she’s bringing a lawsuit against the film for misrepresenting the film and not disclosing that it was AI. She’s publicly shit all over it. I’m not really sure what she expected, though, and it’s not even like she had a lot on her plate anyway. Is she even acting anymore? Linnea Quigley shows up briefly, but I’m not even sure if she cooperated or they just stole her likeness. We also get the paramedic that was attacked early on in the graveyard …..because….uh, he survived?
Which brings me to a nice segue. What the hell is the plot of this film? We start off with the first of many “styles” as we spend the first ten minutes of Night of the Living Dead colorized, for some reason, but it looks worse than the VHS colorized version I have from the early 80s. Is this a sequel? A reimagining? The frame of the movie is a news cast and we keep going back and forth to found footage stuff, first person video game perspective, bloggers reporting on what’s happening, bodycam footage of cops, normal cinematic shots, horrid video game cut scenes, actual footage of the original, and then real actors in real scenes. It’s like the nuke wasn’t dropped and we pop in midway thru the movie. But then the nuke IS dropped, but it didn’t kill everyone? Then it’s the present? And Trash and Tarman are alive? There’s no mention of Tina, Bert, Freddy, or Casey, who all survived the end of the film. (Mostly? Kind of?)
The directing is shit, the constant bed of nondescript music that plays under the entire film is so repetitive it makes your mind melt, and there’s really no continuity whatsoever. No main characters. There’s like space shit towards the end? It truly makes no sense. I don’t know what year it is half the time, what’s even happening, or why I am doing this.
Seriously, you all owe me.
It’s like 8 bucks to rent or 20 bucks to buy off of Dragonflix or something. You can pay for it on YouTube I guess, but there are -ahem- other nefarious ways to watch it. But DO NOT search for the title in YouTube and write full movie afterwards. That would encourage piracy and not give money to such a wonderful ……. nah, fuck em. They deserve all the hate they get. Do it. Or don’t and save yourself the headache.
And the ending reveals another sequel is coming. Please. Lord no.
-10/10 Stab Wounds
