
Here’s a little film that’s gathering a lot of steam online. I’ve read from several different websites how great of a film this is. Of course, buying into the hype, I decided to give it a shot, despite the absurdly long title that I keep forgetting.
Synopsis:
Fledgling occultist Onyx and a group of worshipers attend a once-in-a-lifetime ritual at their idol BARTOK THE GREAT’S mansion.
IMDb: 6.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 65%
Tagline: Demons. Ghouls. Tiny wines. Onyx is in for one hell of a weekend.
Andrew Bowser stars in and directed this one, in what appears to be his feature film debut. Bonus points for one of his shorts being named The Green Shit.
I truly enjoy horror films about black magic, but I feel like this genre is poorly represented in the annals of horror film history. One I particularly like is Ghoulies. Now, don’t laugh. At its heart, that film is all about black magic. Very few other ones come to mind other than A Dark Song, Exorcist, Wicker Man, Rosemary’s Baby, and a few others, although many of these just barely qualify as examples of the genre.
Now this particular movie plays it for laughs. The absurdity of the acting, particularly the lead, who also happens to be the director, is just too much. He’s some hyper dude straight out of a 1930’s radio play with that shouting projection voice which more than likely means he was the star of The Music Man in the high school musical. If you love him and think he’s hilarious, you will love the movie. If you think he’s annoying, you will hate it.
If I laughed, I might enjoy this more. But per some of the other articles I have written, absurd goofy films that consider themselves to be horror-comedy, annoy me. This one is annoying me and only ten minutes (of the 110-minute running time!?!?!) have passed. We get it. The main character is a nerd. He utters these “funny” lines that are meant to be catchphrases that people will quote for years to come, since the director obviously thinks this will be a cult classic.
The other people who show up at the mansion are equally as annoying and absurd. Get used to those two words, by the way. I have a feeling I will be repeating them over and over. One of them looks and sounds like Keith David (The Thing, They Live) not to be confused with David Keith (An Officer and a Gentleman). Another looks and acts like a mix between Catwoman and J-Lo. Yet another is like a red headed super-amped up Anna Faris.
OH MY GOD!! JEFFREY COMBS IS IN THIS?!?! He’s barely recognizable, probably due to the insanely long eyebrows, but instantly this movie’s credibility went up and I like it that much more.
Of course, they drink absinthe, which if you’ve never had it, don’t bother. It is awful. It’s like black licorice, but worse. And get a professional to pour it over sugar on a spoon like you see people do. It’s harder than it looks. And it doesn’t make it better. I bought some in Europe, so it’s the good stuff, and yet it tastes like a dead raccoon’s ass. By the way, does anyone want to buy some slightly used absinthe?
The movie is sooooo long. It’s pushing 2 hours long. If I had chuckled a few times, it might have passed by quicker. But it takes so long to get to anything remotely interesting. It sets up these characters for way too long, considering their major character traits are that they are kooky and weird. Just get to it already!
There is just so much meandering around, plotless scenes and time padding. It needed a good 30 minutes trimmed AT LEAST. There are some gooey monster effects, but they’re played for laughs and not to be taken seriously.
The dude seems that he has it in him to make a fun, quirky movie, and this one could have been the one, but it just has too many annoying and unfunny characters. When you’re the director AND the lead actor, sometimes it’s hard to tell yourself to tone it down and quit acting so over the top.