
I don’t remember EVERY detail to the story, but what I DO remember is that it would have occurred between August 1986-December 1986. My family would have had HBO. We lived in Mississippi. My parents were out for the night and we had a young babysitter. I would have been 7 or 8 depending on the date. And she let us watch two “scary movies”. They were Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and Return of the Living Dead. Probably not one of the best babysitter moves, but I appreciate her role in my horror film development. Anyway, I absolutely loved both of the films, and not coincidentally, they both rank in my all-time favorites. But there was something about RotLD. Something different. Something funny but scary. Something cool. Something gory. And that rockin’ soundtrack (I tracked it down and spent like $30 bucks on it long before the internet was a thing). From there, my obsession began.
This film is just perfect. From the cold open, where there are no credits, no music, just Freddy and Frank saying goodbye to their boss, Burt. I’ve worked with people like the great James Karen, playing Frank here, who are just so excited on your first day/night that they have to fill you in on whatever cool stuff has happened in this building. I worked at a Wal-Mart, and the first thing they told me was how it was built on an Indian burial ground, they had to have a shaman come out to bless the place after it opened, and there was actually a little memorial behind the building to ward off evil spirits. In this case, Frank tells Freddy all about the canister in the basement. And their sheer stupidity sets in place a series of events that can’t be matched.
Now I will tell you that I’m not much of a quote guy. Unless I absolutely love a movie, I don’t watch it more than once, so the chances of a quote sticking with me are slim to none. But this film is written so well, that practically every line is classic. Seriously, go to IMDb and look at those quotes. They are all gold.
Frank: “Have you ever seen that movie, Night of the Living Dead?”
Suicide: “You think this is a fuckin’ costume? This is a way of life!”
Frank: “Watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job!
Freddy: Like this job?”
Trash: “Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying? You know, violently? And wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?”
Trash: “I like death.
Chuck: I like death with sex. How about you, Casey? You like sex with death?
Casey: Yeah, so fuck off and die.”
Suicide: “How come you guys only come around when you need a ride someplace?
Spider: ‘Cause you’re one spooky motherfucker, man.”
And this doesn’t even come close to the amount of quotable lines in the movie. But it’s a few of my favorites. And to be honest, the only other line from a movie that I quote on the regular, is “They mostly come out at night. Mostly.”
Let’s talk about characters. Ernie is the guy over the the Resurrection Funeral Home. There’s a subtle reference here, as Ernie Kaltenbrunner is his name, and Ernie could be short for Ernst. Who is Ernst? Ernst Kaltenbrunner (4 October 1903 – 16 October 1946) was a high-ranking Austrian SS official during the Nazi era and a major perpetrator of the Holocaust. Ernie also uses a Walther P38, a German gun that was the service weapon of the Wehrmacht (The Nazi armed forces). And that song he’s listening to in his headphones? “Panzer Rollen in Afrika vor” by Norbert Schultz, a German composer who is famous for creating propaganda music for the Third Reich. There’s a fan theory that he actually IS this horrible man and he escaped the hanging and eventual cremation after the trials in Nuremburg.
Frank is the lovable loser, Freddy is the dumb jock, and Burt and Ernie (get it? get it?) are long time friends as the Resurrection Funeral Home is right next to the U-Needa Medical Supply Warehouse. Now are these 3-D complete characters? Definitely not. But they each have their “thing” and each of them are memorable. Clu Gulager (A Nightmare on Elm Street 2) plays Burt, Don Calfa (Weekend at Bernie’s) plays Ernie, and James Karen (Poltergeist) plays Frank.
But it’s the punks that steal the show. The 80s new wave is represented (Chuck and Casey), the good girl (Tina), the hardcore punk who more than likely listens to gutter punk (Scuz), the emotional artsy punk (Suicide), and without being disrespectful, the slutty weird girl in the group (Trash played by the wonderful Linnea Quigley). Finally, Miguel Nunez plays what could be a military type punk. Is it a coincidence that he’s also in Friday the 13th V? Or that Mark Venturini who played Suicide was in the very same Ft13th?
The only complaint I have about the film I have is the interludes between Colonel Glover and his wife Ethel. We get it, he’s a high ranking big deal in the military who spends his time looking for those canisters, and he’s a bit of a dick. But they really bring whatever fun the movie has to a screeching halt.
One thing that I absolutely adore about the film, and one that a lot of people remember, is the suicide of Frank by incineration. He doesn’t want to become one of those things and attack his friends. He was originally supposed to just turn and join the horde. But in all actuality, the scene was James Karen’s idea simply because he didn’t want to have to run around the streets in the rain.
Oh, and what about those running zombies? Most people are either #TeamFastZombies or #TeamSlowZombies, but I actually like both equally. As long as the zombie fits the story, it’s fine by me. This was not only one of the first to employ running zombies, but talking zombies (“Send. More. Paramedics.”), and brain eating zombies (“More brains!”). Without this film, we wouldn’t have Train to Busan or 28 Days Later. And yes, I’m aware they’re infected and not zombies. Jesus wept.
There was a time where I hated the ending (don’t worry, no spoilers for a 40-year-old film), but as I have gotten older, I realized that was the only choice. This is the military. They have been planning for this day. They want to save as many people as possible. Ironically, if they had called the number EARLIER in the whole fiasco, it wouldn’t have ended the way it did. Yellow zombie, Tarman, and the two sick guys, Frank and Freddy, would have been easy to dispose of. But there were too many in the end.
For me, this film is the one. I have a list for best movies of all time, and then I have the list of my favorite films of all time. I’m not gonna pretend that this film belongs on the list with Reservoir Dogs, Natural Born Killers, Moulin Rouge, American Beauty, or JFK, which is why I created my FAVORITE films of all time list. And there it sits at #1, ahead of films like Re-Animator, From Beyond, Fright Night, and Back to the Future. Yeah, one of these things is not like the other, but it’s my list.
I’m not gonna bore you with a trailer for a film we’ve all seen, so here’s a few music videos featuring the best music from the film: