I could certainly tell you some horror stories from my past jobs, but nothing would come close to Sam’s (Hayley Griffith) first day as a pizza delivery…uh…”mopeder”? When Sam delivers a pizza to a well-to-do mansion that she’s been promised will tip her well, she unexpectedly finds herself thrust into the middle of a satanic ritual. As fate would have it, Sam, in a string of more bad luck, happens to be the virgin that the cult is looking for to help them let loose their campaign of political and socioeconomic domination.
You certainly need to suspend your disbelief in order to track Sam’s rationale when it comes to her decision making skills in the film, however the way the film introduces the cult is pretty crafty and rather eye-catching. The move is always on the move and never really slows down, with some gnarly visual effects that would make any gore hound proud and a soundtrack that boasts some impressive retro synths, the film keeps your attention all the way through.
Not to be mistaken for your mainstream teenage horror flick, though it certainly has its cheesy moments, Satanic Panic is chock full of bloodied intestines outside of the human body, plenty of shirtless people, and definitely its fair share of oh-shit moments (there’s a scene in particular that involves a woman wearing what appears to be a strap on style drill bit cone around her waist that would make Madonna jealous). One of my favorite scenes involves some voodoo doll torture and earthworms. There’s plenty of fun moments to the film that you can look back on and debate which one was truly the craziest.
Satanic Panic is far from a perfect horror comedy. It certainly has its cringe moments of dialogue and it’s not necessarily breaking any new ground, yet it what it lacks in sheer originality it makes up for in consistent tones and smooth transitions from gore to giggles. The laughs don’t always hit as hard as you’d like and the violence doesn’t quite reach its full potential, but for a film that doesn’t take itself too seriously, it’s a fun ride that offers a nice macabre atmosphere. Crack open a cold one, destroy a large personal pizza, and enjoy a pleasant occult story: extra cheese.
