DOA Review: 12/12/12

Covered In the heavy undergrowth in the grounds now known as the DOA Reviews, with your grave-keeper I, Baron, we discovered a rarity, a Blu-ray release from the maestros of low-budget horror The Asylum films, and one of their many apocalyptic films, called 12/12/12. The movie-released 5-years ago this year, on December 4th, arrived and disappeared without any biblical or end of the word significance and this flick adds nothing to remember the date with either. First, this movie actually follows 11/11/11 from director Keith Allan and one may actually view this disjointed film without ever having watched part one, as it contains no reference to it. Why would that happen – no reason, accept it and move along. The director herein, Jared Cohn, who’s credits shown many other better horror films to his recognition, this one his worst of late, in fact, recently completed the film The Domicile and another announced project called Dead AfterLife, with many big horror icons attached to the movie. As opposed to the previous DOA film reviews, this movie presents itself clearly and not many flaws, aside cardboard characters, terrible dialogue, horrendous editing, and overall confusing storyline, otherwise a fine production.

Horror continues to play the apocalyptic card, as do many other genres such as drama and action, and face it when people predict the end of the world with numerology and other issues a lot of gory gruesome can find its way into nightmares, however not with 12/12/12. Nevertheless Cohn combines elements of occultism, Satanism, and just very bizarre elements into a mess of ideas tallying many missed avenues of fright. Quickly one realizes the movie takes from Rosemary’s Baby (1968) and The Omen (1976), and never attempts for a clear path of its own, let alone matching up to the previous movie. Be forewarned, before attempting to view this flick, check to see if either Rosemary’s Baby (2014) the TV-movie available or even the horror-comedy Hell Baby (2013), both find themselves far more stable of a coherent storytelling.

This movie, actually the middle child, in a trio of flicks it follow 11/11/11 (2011) and yes you guess it 13/13/13 (2013) though a tad tough on that one as there’s no 13 month in case your department of education failed you. In addition, this first movie the bizarre behavior connects to the Apocalypse and that movie earned 2.6/10 rating while the third installment earned the highest marks of 4.2/10. Therefore, as many know many overlook the deeds of the middle kid, do so with regard to this flick.

The movie starts with a mysterious coven about to commit a bloody sacrifice to a well-developed woman open to T&A, and with the plunge of a basic knife switch to a maternity wing of a hospital. Confused already, join the crowd. The woman, Veronica (Sara Malakul Lane) and father cry out against a C-section citing religious beliefs, though, with all the f-bombs they drop after the birth, lack of religious symbols and lack of church connection one can image their domination. Anyway, her demon baby successfully frees itself from the womb and proceeds to kill a doctor with the umbilical and then a nurse, leaving the room in a blood-drenched fiasco.

Switch to home life, and this freakish devil born baby named Sebastian, not a very cute looking baby more on that later, this little monster gets into the parents bed and stimulates his mother orally in the nether region. Talk about bonding with one’s child, though not clearly shown, the verbal and physical cues present the act. Look if you dare to want this flick, the suckling on the nipple into a bloody mess. Soon enough, daddy dies by swallowing boiling water, apparent suicide, wanting off the movie, enter lollipop-sucking Detective Barnes (Steve Hanks) on the case following the quickening body count.

Most devil children films allow for build-up suspense, tension this becomes a rolling body count bloodbath normally beneficial to the horror fans; however it never connects correctly. This child has makes sure to cure one of insomnia, as it never can hold one’s attention, the dialogue lacks often and Satan’s spawn killing way too much. A prime example of the crazy dialogue from Gabriella (Laura Alexander Ramos) to Veronica: “your baby is a pervert watching me shower” a very dumb line, think of it a newborn is looking at a steamed up shower glass if he would even understand, besides how screwed up is one’s mind to think that. Meanwhile, the Satanists appear again, never actually making much sense of their failed attempts to acquire the baby. Perhaps they’re angry they missed the baby shower?

The actions of strange editing cuts and odd plot lines, tissue paper thin structure eventually dooms the entire production, rather than a straightforward narrative, it slowly dissolves into random killings. While the special effects work, basic in design and thankful not overwhelming CGI, the characters all go through the motions, never truly believable, no strong connections to Revelations or the parent’s religion.

While the overall packaging of The Asylum‘s Blu-ray delivers nicely, the film itself feels as if set pieces placed cheaply and left for weakened characters to walk aimlessly about criticizing the looks of a newborn baby. The baby, Sebastian, never reaches the point of care from the audience, and for that no one else of interest either leaving the audience able to champion for any of them. Honestly, the blender style dicing of the editing and scene connections loses everyone, seeking lesser-known prophecy rebirths watch Omen IV: The Awakening (1991).

IMDb Rating: 1.8/10

DOA Rating: 1.7/10

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12/12/12 Trailer:

About Baron Craze 33 Articles
Consider by many as a Horror Historian, writing detail reviews on many sites, with the first horror I ever saw was Grizzly (1976), from there I discovered Vincent Price and Christopher Lee movies, and of course Universal Monsters. I never watch the films just once, no rather multiple times, as I got older become both a completeist (the goal to watch all the horror films possible) and started to research many films to new depths of interest. Many of my reviews contain vast amounts of details about each film, in a fair review. In addition, a screenwriter and actor and producer of Blind Documentary, called A World Without Boundaries, and podcast DJ of 4 weekly shows 2 metal and 2 horror theme. Enjoy all things Horror, Gothic, and Macabre. Favorite Quote of Mine: "The Extreme Makes a Lasting Impression!"