Now, here at DOA, I run across a lot of muck, trapped in deep sludge, and this movie from Donald Farmer, a man than grace the screens with phenomenal films such as An Erotic Vampire in Paris (2002) and Chainsaw Cheerleaders (2008). He took a short break before presenting short stories in Hi-8 (Horror Independent 8) and later Grindsploitation, re-teamed with Wild Eye Releasing, for a tremendous moldy swiss cheese flick. Now horror fans, they like The Exorcist film and few good shark movies, Jaws (1975), The Shallows (2016), Open Water (2003) and maybe even 47 Meters Down (2017) but face it the market contains quite a bit of rotting seafood. First what do these two vastly different movies have to do with this flick; well Farmer combined them, into one movie with the silliest story and worst special effects. While for some the title has them shaking their heads, then again a mere reflection on the latest shark theme movies, Ghost Shark, Sharkenstein, Sharknado 4 and truly over 50 zany shark movie titles and plots concepts, litter the shoreline of horror. Therefore, tread water with care yardstick, in fact check to if the beach isn’t closed, at least hope that it’s actually Blood Beach, because better to enjoy a b-movie than a z-grade disaster. Someone actually does say “We’re going to need a bigger cross.” The nightmare begins… UGH!
The plot of this $300,000 insane story wraps around an evil nun, worst costume design murdering a woman, using her body and blood to finish a satanic vengeance rite in order to summoning the devil, which, of course (you got it) takes the possession of a shark, in a fresh water lake near the small village of Paris Landing.
Sounds strange? Yes, thinking of watching Raiders of the Lost Shark (2015) go ahead, it’s from Wild Eye and higher ratings. The storyline, only slides down into more wacky insanity as the camera angles swimmer Ali (Angela Kerecz) finds herself horrendously attack by a shark except her wounds disappear without trace and makes a full recovery, but the shark encounter causes Ali to constantly bathe in a psyche connection to the shark. Now try to stop understanding how this all connects, it will only destroy brain cells, better ways to accomplish that intention. In addition, Father Michael (Bobby Kerecz) appears to ready to battle Satan in the form of the shark, with colorful lines of humor that fail to save the movie, and the day.
Betcha didn’t know the Vatican had a special shark division – neither did I or anyone else?
Unfortunately the humor struggles to save the production, and often lands with groans, hopes for laughter results in unhappiness. The shark, leaves quite a bit of anyone to describe purplish tint at one moment with big glowing yellow eyes, oh that’s scary, no it worst than silly.
God forbid this abomination effects your eyesight, trust this reviewer shun yourself from the blasphemy and repent stop the insanity.
A clear understanding not a horror film, nor a comedy, though the character Randy, tries for the larger laughs, but it never latches on, though an portrayed outrageously by the James Balsamo. A television crew of two professionals from Ghost Whackers, show-up to do a LIVE reporting of a ridiculous psyche episode on a hand held camera, as they feel devilish influence from the water.
The entire scene presents itself in the form of paranormal investigators on reality television, referencing their lubricious jumps in conclusions for psyche phenomenon, although ruins it when another person jumps in front of the camera then note to edit it out – wait wasn’t it technically LIVE already. Wait – I’m not nitpicking, just trying to make sense of Satan’s intention. Of course we can’t forget the sorority pledges dares swimming in the lake, flying shark attack, and pathetic reactions. Satan would have no connection or involvement in this fiasco. By the way, listen closely for the reference to The Exorcist (1973) it comes in the form of the character Sister Blair, talk about the bad acting – ungodly. One last aspect the film clocks in at 71-minutes and it seems an add-on scene helps to achieve this length, all thanks to a goofy segment at an aquarium of a girl fascinated by sharks, receiving the unholy fortune of possession. Yes you read that right a toy shark transfers and transforms girl into – oh I give up!
This entire movie plunges the shark-exploitation market further into a sewer, with the actors struggling to say their lines with any conviction, where was the high school drama class – wait this production below their standards. Farmer’s movies in the past had a steady hand at the wheel of the vehicle, however herein now steered by blind driver at wheel, as the CGI runs in goofy displays and the special effects makeup comes across far too watery. The exploits exorcisms and possessions used give a good amount of enjoyment with projection vomit, but now sloppy, choppy editing, bizarre pitch tones with the actors, and more silly moments that hurt this reviewer’s brain.
This low-grade film begs for Lloyd Kaufman to make a toxic shark-avenging which takes place on father’s day, during an ill-advised belated Easter Egg Hunt, while the cymbal playing monkey from Monkey Shines grins on a pile of Christmas items movie, now none of that makes any sense but far better that this silliness. The VOD markets swims in swarms of sharks, many more entertaining than the nonsensical Shark Exorcist, therefore tread the shallows carefully when selecting your next shark adventure, as no lifeguard station exists for your rescue.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3120314/
https://www.facebook.com/Shark-Exorcist-1432091707036857/
Imdb Rating: 1.4/10
DOA Rating: 1.4/10
Want this masterpiece, available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Shark-Exorcist-Angela-Kerecz/dp/B01C4D5046/
